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The Weekly Inventions of
Dr Splatterjacket

On a desk with a laptop sits a white mug. Attached to the mug is a pen with an whiteboard eraser on the end of it. Written on the mug is ‘White Brew: 10am’, ‘Call with Ben’, ‘Buy Milk!’, ‘Ideas’ and ‘E=MC2'.

WhiteBrew

30th May 2026

Having returned from a contemplative walk in the rain, in which I hadn’t got wet at all because I had brushed my teeth with DrySmile. I knew I had to get the idea that occurred to me written down as quickly as possible.

But I also knew I had to respect the movie montage situation that I was in.

People in movies who suddenly have ideas while out walking in the rain do not run inside and suddenly fire up a laptop. Of course they don’t.

They’ve been contemplating…

They’ve been thinking…

They’ve been rained on…

(Although I hadn’t. I’m not stupid).

So, what do they do? They make themselves a hot drink and wrap themselves in a blanket and look out of the window. For people like you, and presumably the people in the movies, this gives them ample time to accidentally forget the genius idea that they have just come up with… but not me, because I could stay in this mode and write my idea down because I have WhiteBrew.

WhiteBrew is a combination coffee cup and whiteboard. Perfect for situations where you are wrapped in a blanket, drinking something warm after a contemplative walk in the rain, and pretending to warm up despite not actually being wet.

With WhiteBrew you can enjoy a comforting hot drink and write notes at the same time. Revolutionary.

And what did I write down on the side of my WhiteBrew… I wrote “Don’t forget…” and then I had to rub it out because I had started writing it in too big writing for all the words to fit.

So, once I had cleared WhiteBrew I started again and wrote “Don’t forget the other mine” and then I rubbed it out and started again because again I was still writing a bit too big.

So, this time I wrote nice and small and wrote, “Don’t forget the other mine that Jenny mentioned… what if it wasn’t Zargoid 5’s?”

Because during my walk I had suddenly realised something extremely important.

Jenny never actually said the other mine belonged to Zargoid 5.

I had simply assumed it was his.

Now admittedly… it probably was his.

But what if it wasn’t?

I considered calling Jenny to ask her directly, but she might be restricted by confidentiality rules.

Very annoying.

Anyway, I sat under my blanket, holding my cup of warm Kiwano juice, I admired my excellent idea and my excellent invention. And given you will doubtless be thinking the same thing you should get one too!

Note to self: Consider adding notebook-style ruled lines to the WhiteBrew surface. My writing was extremely wonky.