Drilling into the centre of the Earth is a demanding, and expensive, process. I know lots of you are almost ready to buy many of the amazing inventions… but somehow you haven’t quite found the time or inclination to press the button and commit.
I was in the lab, fine-tuning my labelling machine so that when the very next order came in I would be able to fulfil it record time, when suddenly… there was a ring at the mine’s doorbell.
Last time the doorbell rang, I hadn’t even been sure that we had a doorbell. That ring has been Jenny from PHART, and she had closed my mine. So naturally I was more nervous than a jelly in a trifle factory.
As I headed to the giant door (with the much more reasonably sized door inside it) I thought about the different options.
Could it be my pet gerbil Dennis? No, of course not. Dennis is tucked up in his cage eating from his Furbil and generally just relaxing.
Could it be Zargoid 5, my mine building robotic arch rival, here to taunt me about having drilled to the centre of the Earth? No Zargoid 5 was still miles away from the centre of the Earth and would have probably sent his henchman anyway.
Could it be his henchman ASJIOFJNOSDNFNDSUNDS ONGFONKJGNKBUYWENJNCINSIUNDXW? He’d been suspiciously quiet and hadn’t even been involved in that recent incident where one of Zargoid 5’s elbows had popped off hurting that boy George who I had managed to bandage up with my AeroPatch.
Or could it be Jenny here to close down my mine again?
Or could it be somebody completely new, or could it be somebody not new but that I have forgotten about? I think those were all of the options.
At this point I wasn’t just as nervous as a jelly in a trifle factory, but was now as nervous as when a jelly in a trifle factory suddenly gets covered in custard while travelling down a conveyor belt.
I opened the door.
And who was it?
At first, I thought it must definitely be somebody new, but then it turned out to be somebody who was not new, but that I hadn’t forgotten about, but that I hadn’t properly considered.
I thought I had gone through all of the options… but no… this person was George. The boy I had AeroPatched… but the reason I hadn’t recognised him was that he was wearing a suit and looking super serious.
“Wow George,” I said, “you seem to be wearing a suit and looking super serious, I hope that is just a co-incidence and actually you are here for an entirely non-serious reason like you wanting to purchase my latest invention Wash & Read”.
I assumed Geroge knew all about Wash & Read, but maybe you don’t. It is my latest invention after all. Not that long ago I introduced the world to DishTicket, the perfect way to wash things up really quickly while having fun.
Of course, DishTicket is ideal when you have time to have fun washing up, but what about the kind of situation where you have to read an important paper or book while washing up happens?
You can’t really use DishTicket because that requires both of your hands and all of your eyes and attention, but that’s where Wash & Read comes in. With Wash & Read you can load into a special cupboard all of your plates, glasses and cutlery and then when you close the door on the front becomes a wonderful display where you can read that important paper on rock structure at very central levels of the Earth or a book about the adventures of a cheeky gerbil, whichever takes your fancy.
But what George said next shocked me, because I had been expecting him to say, “Yes I want a Wash & Read”… so imagine my surprise when he said, “No, I want 5,000 WashRides”!
I turned out that George works for some Government of some kind, he didn’t say which one and I didn’t like to pry… but it certainly explained the suit and the serious way he looked. And because he was from the Government he wanted to get all the busses in wherever he was in charge of… he didn’t say but I think it must be somewhere… changed into WashRides. At that kind of size of order, it would certainly sort out my cash problem allowing me to drill to the centre of the Earth and the citizens of wherever it is will be immaculately clean.
I invited George to join Dennis and me for dinner and we had a lovely time, and it even allowed me to demonstrate how useful Wash & Read is as I was able to load all of things from dinner into there and also read him a quick chapter from a book I’m reading about Trifle manufacturing. The only problem, if I’m honest, is that you have to keep getting up from the table to go over to the Wash & Read and move it on to the next page.
When I say we had a lovely time, George and I did, but Dennis seemed more nervous than a jelly covered with custard who has suddenly detected the weight of some cream on top. I’m sure it is fine, Dennis probably just gets nervous around new people.
So, if you need a Wash & Read, or 5,000 WashRides then put your order in today… or possibly tomorrow as my label machine will be quite busy putting all the labels on George’s WashRides.
Note to self: Is Dennis usually nervous around new people? Or could it be the vibrations from the Wash & Read?
