Let me just sum up the situation I’m in.
I’m in a race to drill to the centre of the Earth against my arch-rival Zargoid 5 (who, despite being ahead of me, apparently has time to arm wrestle, and lose, to a boy called George).
My own mine, which desperately needs to catch up, has just been shut down by Jenny from PHART (that’s the Proper Horrible Authority for Recreational Tunnelling).
Do these people not understand that I need to get to the centre of the Earth first?
I immediately appealed PHART’s decision, while also, purely by coincidence, anonymously tipping them off to several “issues” in Zargoid 5’s mine. Honestly, just having his henchman around should be enough to shut the whole thing down. And let’s not forget the small matter of stealing my gerbil Dennis.
I needed to stay updated on everything as it happened… so I changed into my NewsWear.
You might not know about NewsWear, but it’s a t-shirt with integrated news reporting. I mean, sure, you'd use a NewsRule if you needed to read the news while measuring something. Or a TrendBed if you wanted news updates while sleeping. But for everyday use, NewsWear is where it's at.
You can customise your NewsWear t-shirt with up to three sources of news. I selected:
The PHART website (for updates on my appeal)
GerbilNews (the premier source of gossip and sightings for Dennis)
And Mining Today (to monitor Zargoid 5’s progress and misdeeds)
Now, there is one small issue. Since the news scrolls across your chest, the easiest way to read it… is to be somebody else.
You can try using a mirror, but that gets confusing. So, I use two mirrors… one to reverse the text, and the other to reverse it back again. Yes, it’s awkward. But being uninformed? Far worse.
So, if you want to stay up to date and look stylish while doing it, get your NewsWear today.
Note to self: Add an “inversion mode” to NewsWear so you only need one mirror. Or invent a rotating periscope hat?
