Now that we had rescued Zargoid 5 there was just one more issue that I needed to resolve (other than drilling to the centre of the earth), and that was the whereabouts of my gerbil, Dennis. I decided to confront Zargoid 5 and ASJIOFJNOSDNFNDSUNDS ONGFONKJGNKBUYWENJNCINSIUNDXW together at the same time.
“What have you done with Dennis?” I shouted.
“We haven’t done anything with Dennis. Honest,” they replied both at exactly the same time, as though they had been rehearsing it.
I didn’t believe them and I didn’t know what to do. But then Zargoid 5 said that he thought he might have seen Dennis in his room earlier, when he’d popped in to check if the Furbil was still operating correctly.
I rushed over… and there he was. Dennis was back.
I was so happy that I could have immediately read 43 books on mine shaft design. Instead, as we had been drilling for several days straight, I promised Dennis that I would be right back and went to immediately shower (using my BrewLather to ensure I had sufficient caffeine inside and out).
I also wanted to look my absolute best for my proper reunion with Dennis and so I used my FunFoam to get ready to have a shave.
I’m sure you already use FunFoam regularly but in case you aren’t aware it is foam that you can use on your face, legs or even just as bubble bath. That’s already quite fun but that can’t be an invention. The invention part is that you can pair the foam with an app on your phone and the foam will project cool games onto itself which you can play while shaving.
Now the one problem with FunFoam is that the games are really really good, I mean really good, and sometimes it is quite hard to stop playing. Apparently, it isn’t usually recommended to have foam on your face for 16 hours. But it is worth it!
So, if you don’t have FunFoam in your life get some today!
After spending just 3 hours shaving my face (man those games are addictive) I rushed back to Dennis, and he explained exactly what had happened.
He told me that ASJIOFJNOSDNFNDSUNDS ONGFONKJGNKBUYWENJNCINSIUNDXW had stolen him on Zargoid 5’s orders and that he had been taken to Zargoid 5’s mine and he had been there ever since.
I couldn’t believe it! Zargoid 5 had been so nice to me roughly ever since Dennis had been stolen, so it seemed weird that he was also at the same time attempting to steal Dennis.
I stormed down to where Zargoid 5 was laser cutting himself a spare elbow (always useful in case he loses an arm-wrestling competition when they usually pop off apparently – how much arm wrestling was this robot doing?) and I told him that I knew the truth.
“About my mine to the centre of the earth being ahead of yours, how did you find out?” he said.
“What? It can’t be.”
“It is, but if you didn’t know then what were you talking about?”
“I was talking about how I knew that you stole Dennis.”
“Oh that, well I had done some calculations on the Ferbil and it needed 23% more grass seed in it to keep Dennis’s fur nice and shiny. So, I borrowed Dennis while I worked on the modifications to the Ferbil and popped him back once I had fixed it. I hope you don’t mind.”
I didn’t mind. Dennis was back, his fur was shinier and the Ferbil was going to be massively improved.
I put my hand on my chin to help me think, because while I didn’t mind about that I knew I did mind about something else. Unfortunately, because of the long time with FunFoam on my face my hand slipped off my chin. Luckily my superior brain is so powerful that it was able to solve the mystery even without my hand on my chin… Zargoid 5’s mine had got closer to the centre of the earth than my mine had.
Disaster.
I didn’t have a moment to lose. It was time to banish Zargoid 5 and his henchman back to his mine, so I could get on with drilling even faster. Zargoid 5 looked a little upset about being banished, but I think soon got over it when he realised that he could begin building himself a fishtank to house a Sarcastic Fringehead fish.
Once they had gone, Dennis sat down to tell me about all the other things that had happened, while I played another 6 hours of games on my FunFoam. You seriously need to get some of this.
Note to self: When I agreed to do these weekly inventions, it was for a year.
This is the 52nd one.
So… is this the end of my weekly inventions?
