I was called back to the mine the very next morning. The 132 drills and the 33 new miners required to operate them had turned up and things had really started motoring along.
Just as I arrived, the team had uncovered a massive new underground cavern. The echoes! The shimmer! The dramatically convenient lighting! It was a huge find and clearly meant we were getting closer to the centre of the earth.
One thing that would help me determine how close we were getting was to measure the height of the cavern but also the temperature. Now I imagine that for somebody like you would be immediately taking out a measuring tape and a thermometer, but not me I simply use the ThermoMeasurer.
The ThermoMeasurer is a combination laser guided distance measuring device and a laser guided temperature detector. Yes, two entirely different laser guidance systems. Not because it’s necessary, but because it’s cooler that way. Need to know if something is hot and far away? ThermoMeasurer. Need to know if something is cold and right next to you? ThermoMeasurer. Need to know if something is lukewarm and vaguely in the middle distance? Oh yes. ThermoMeasurer.
I immediately started ThermoMeasuring the chamber and the readings suggested that we were making significant progress towards the centre of the earth. This was fantastic news I decided I wanted to run immediately home to share my news with Dennis my pet gerbil.
But when I got home… he was gone. There was just an empty bed of straw and a few droppings (I hope Dennis doesn’t mind me sharing this information with you). The Ferbil was still there waiting and ready to dispense food… but to nobody. Where could Dennis have gone? He wouldn’t be able to leave by himself! He’s smart, but his lockpicking skills are only average. How long ago had he gone?
I immediately used the ThermoMeasurer to measure the temperature of the straw. It was still warm, he hadn’t been gone long. But where had he gone?
The very next immediately that there was, I used the ThermoMeasurer again to measure the giant hole in the wall of Dennis’s room that I had just noticed. It was the height, and exact shape, of ASJIOFJNOSDNFNDSUNDS ONGFONKJGNKBUYWENJNCINSIUNDXW Zargoid 5’s assistant. Could he have taken Dennis? The ThermoMeasurer certainly suggested he might have.
I decided to set off to Zargoid 5’s mine immediately to rescue Dennis, there wasn’t a moment to delay. Dennis needed me.
If your pet gerbil is ever kidnapped by a rival robot’s robot henchman and you don’t own a ThermoMeasurer, that’s on you. Don’t make that mistake. Get your ThermoMeasurer today — for distance, for temperature, and for vengeance.
Note to self: Potentially think of inventing some kind of alarm that goes off when people break through the walls of your home.
