As I may have mentioned once or twice, my top priority was to rush to Zargoid 5’s mine and rescue Dennis, my beloved gerbil.
But just before I could set off, my phone rang.
It was my bank manager.
She requested, urgently, that I come in for a meeting. Apparently, due to “market fluctuations” and “insolvency” and “you’ve taken out 11 simultaneous loans to purchase 132 nuclear drills,” she had some concerns about my financial situation.
Ridiculous, of course. But if you don’t show up to these things, they start threatening to take everything. My mine. My house. Dennis. My life’s work. My ability to drill to the centre of the Earth.
So, I went.
I immediately travelled to her building, and after talking to the nice man at reception about how useful he found the GuardianCurtain, I was sent up to the boardroom where I patiently waited…
I wasn’t worried too much… the only things they could take from me was my mine, Dennis, my house, my whole life’s happiness and my ability to drill into the centre of the Earth. Apart from that they had nothing.
While waiting I saw my bank manager in the hallway, she was about to come in but had clearly been caught by a colleague who wanted to talk to her about some boring thing that wasn’t about me… or was it? There would usually be no way to find out, but luckily I have invented Enhearencers.
What are Enhearencers? A handy set of ear buds that while obviously able to play any music service you choose or play your favourite podcast (mine is Mining Today) it also enables you to set a direction and it will play the sound magnified from a long way away.
The Enhearencers are absolutely excellent for listening to all sorts of conversations where you can be sure that there aren’t about to be loud noises like cars, dogs barking or even dogs barking in cars. Any loud noises immediately deafen you so it does mean that the Enhearencers are basically off limits to any situations in the normal world and that’s as it should be as it would be very bad to listen in to conversations without other people realising – except in an emergency like this.
I turned on the Enhearencers and heard the two bank people speaking, it turned out that the person who wasn’t my bank manager was saying, “whatever you do don’t mention the 30 day in-case-of-emergency-extension clause” it turned out they were worried I’d use that clause to carry on mining. I had completely forgotten about this clause so I was glad the Enhearencers had helped me out. I put them away just before my bank manager joined me in the room.
She suggested I might need to give up my mine, Dennis, my house, my whole life’s happiness and my ability to drill into the centre of the Earth, and I mentioned the 30 day in-case-of-emergency-extension-clause… she seemed a little rattled but had to let me off the hook.
If you could use some headphones that allow you to remember things that you already should know about but that you promise you won’t use in the presence of cars, dogs, mongoose or telephones, and that you also promise you won’t use in morally dubious situations, but only ones which remind you of things that you should probably know for yourself if you weren’t filling your head with inventions then you should get Enhearencers today.
Note to self: Try and solve all of your money problems before the end of the 30 days.
