Now that I’d selected the perfect outfit, devoured a HeatReflect-cooked dinner, confirmed Dennis was fed (thank you, Ferbil), put my wardrobe through WashCharge, ironed it via IronMeet, and salvaged the 3km-wide curtain fiasco using FixiScissors, I was finally ready to turbocharge progress in the mine.
I told the drill team to drill faster. They reminded me that I had already instructed them to drill as fast as humanly possible. Ah, but I am not limited by what is humanly possible. I am Dr Splatterjacket.
So, I grabbed one of the many spare nuclear-powered drill and joined in.
After 48 hours of uninterrupted subterranean tunnelling, I realised I was a bit… peckish. Not a full meal, my last HeatReflect feast was still digesting somewhere around my pancreas, but I did want a snack.
That’s when I reached for the Sproster.
What is a Sproster? It’s only the greatest attachment in culinary history: a module for your toaster that automatically spreads the topping of your choice onto your toasted delight. Want peanut butter on your toast? Boom. Cream cheese on a bagel? Bam. Butter on Pane Ticinese? Of course you do.
All without taking your hands off your drill. Because snacking should never slow down subterranean progress.
Now, I’ll admit, you do have to remember to refill the Sproster’s individual spread chambers and its portable refrigeration unit makes it slightly bulkier than the average toaster. But you are probably carrying around a toaster, a whole portable fridge, and cutlery drawer… this is easier. Now with Sposter, no one needs toast. Everyone needs Sproast!
Don’t waste another second manually spreading jam like some kind of croissant-clutching cave-dweller. Get your Sproster today!
Note to self: Must develop combo-spread capability. Imagine peanut butter and jam… at the same time. Now that really would be an invention!
