Now that I’d chosen the perfect outfit, devoured a HeatReflect-cooked dinner, confirmed that Dennis had eaten (courtesy of the Ferbil), and run my entire wardrobe through WashCharge and IronMeet, I was finally ready to launch myself back to my centre-of-the-earth mine.
Upon arrival, I immediately sensed something was wrong.
In fact… two somethings.
The team handling the grand opening of the mine were in utter chaos. The team leader was openly sobbing. Not dignified, discreet sobbing either… no, this person had floods of saltwater flying out of their eyes.
Naturally, I went over and asked what was wrong. I already knew, of course, but I’ve found that sometimes it helps the emotionally soggy to feel heard.
“Doctor Splatterjacket, our 3-kilometre-wide electric-powered curtain is one metre too wide, and the wire mechanism is jammed! It’s a total disaster!”
Of course it was. But I remained unshaken. Because I had FixiScissors.
What are FixiScissors? Only the greatest hybrid scissors-multitool ever devised. Not only do they cut, they also screw, tighten, tweak, instruct, and solve. FixiScissors include a built-in screen that walks you through any problem, from curtain conundrums to cable chaos.
I set the display to: “3km-wide electric-powered curtain is one metre too wide and also broken.” (Yes, it’s a pre-set. Surprisingly popular.)
Step by step, the FlexiScissors told me what to do. I trimmed one metre from the end. The wire jam? Resolved via an auto-extending screwdriver. The soggy team? Dry, thanks to the surplus curtain piece I returned to them.
In moments, the disaster was averted. The team cheered. The curtain parted. The mine sparkled. I didn’t cry, but I could have, just to show them how it's done.
You may not deal with colossal curtains daily (why not?), but FixiScissors can solve almost any problem. Except, of course, fixing another pair of FixiScissors. For that, you’ll need… well, we’ll cross that curtain when we come to it.
Get yours today, before your next unfixable thing unfixes your entire day.
Note to self: Check what other “surprises” the damp-faced events director has planned. Maybe pack a mop.
