As my tasty meal, expertly blasted into edible form by my HeatReflect™, lay steaming on the table in front of me, I should have been feeling a profound sense of calm. Here I was about to eat a delicious meal without a care in the world, but actually I did have a care in the world… I actually had two! One was the realisation that Zargoid 5 had made even greater advances in his drilling than I could possibly imagine and was now very close to being ahead of me in mining to the centre of the Earth, the other was Dennis.
Dennis is my gerbil, and the lovely smell of delicious food suddenly put me into a panic. Had I remembered to feed Dennis before I had left to visit Zargoid 5’s mine in the Sahara Desert? You might say I was unthinking but as I pronged an extremely warm cucamelon I gave a sigh of relief. I didn’t need to worry about Dennis, because of course some months ago I had invented the Ferbil, the world’s greatest automatic gerbil feeding machine.
Now just imagine you are a gerbil, and you need a balanced diet of carrots, bananas and hundreds and thousands. Obviously, it will be easier for you to imagine yourself as a gerbil than I would be able to, given that you are more emotionally close to a gerbil than me. Also, I should point out that the hundreds and thousands are specially prepared gerbil hundreds and thousands not those human sugar disasters.
After finishing up my cardoon and shiso side salad I wondered over to Dennis’s enclosure. He was on his wheel and clearly in training for tunnelling to the centre of his bedding – that’s my boy! I wondered if he had a rival like Zargoid 5 to keep him on his toes and cause him problems? Of course, he didn’t but I have to admit that he did have a few problems with his Ferbil which from time to time decided to dispense garlic which is actually toxic to gerbils (and vampires). It is weird because I never put any garlic in. I wonder if it somehow makes it from combining some of the other ingredients?
Anyway, despite the odd garlic incident, having a totally automated feeding system for your gerbil is exactly the kind of thing that you need, and if you don’t have a gerbil then you need one of those too! But don’t take Dennis. Whatever you do get a Ferbil today!
Note to self: Dennis might be my weak spot, I would do almost anything for him, probably shouldn’t include this bit.
