Now imagine this: you've just completed a high-speed Magma Ship reconnaissance mission into your rival’s centre-of-the-earth mine, only to discover they’re further ahead than expected. Most people would panic. Not me.
Such a moment demands poise, clarity, and an impeccable outfit.
I don’t know about you, but I find that if I am faced with a difficult moment I always want to dress to impress and that this gives me the confidence of a honey badger. You might not think that a honey badger is confident, but that means you haven’t studied the animal as I have. Some say the lion is more confident, the “king” of the jungle? Pah! They are basically just a big cat. Some talk about the Elephant, calm, collected and almost regal in their approach, but the Elephant is grey in colour hardly a colour fit for a king. Lastly some talk about the Peacock, sure it has colourful feathers in great profusion and a squawk to die for but seriously versus a honey badger? Give me a break. One day I hope to know what a honey badger is.
I however didn’t need to know what a honey badger was I just needed to have exactly the right outfit on to make me feel cool, calm and collected as I rushed manically back to my base to implement a high-speed acceleration of all my plans to tunnel to the centre of the earth. Some people would worry about a situation like this, but not me, because I have the ClothesDecider.
The ClothesDecider is an incredible breakthrough head-mounted device which scans your wardrobe and takes in factors like the prevailing climactic conditions to decide what you should wear today. I put mine on and it whirred away before suggesting a red shirt, black trousers, a lab coat and slippers. Absolutely classic. It might have suggested the same exact outfit every day for the last 11 years since I invented the ClothesDecider but I do know for other people it suggests things like shorts or even, quite outlandishly, blue shirts! (You can disable blue shirts as an option. Highly recommended).
You might ask given my clothing consistency why I use the ClothesDecider each day? Well that is simple, I want to be confident that I am dressing in exactly the best way. Like a honey badger, if I knew what one was. So, get your ClothesDecider today.
Note to self: Consider adding a robot apparel option for Zargoid 5.
