While it was very important to as quickly as possible get on my way to visit my sworn enemy Zargoid 5, after he kindly invited me to his mine, it had been necessary to head back to base quickly to get my spare, and actually charged, PowerJacket. Now equipped with that I was ready for take-off to the Sahara desert area.
The take-off was exhilarating and once I was dangling from the hang glider in the lower stratosphere, I looked down to see the rest of humanity getting on with their presumably very boring lives. Of course, while looking down at humanity, I had to look past my feet which were wearing one of the most important items in personal fashion the world has ever seen… That’s right Shocks.
What are Shocks? Let me take you back to the day I invented them. Back then I, like you, followed the normal procedure for getting ready to go outside, by putting on some socks, and then putting on some shoes. I immediately realised that this was incredibly inefficient. Why succumb to this boring and pedestrian process? Why not combine the socks and shoes into one single item? In a flash I realised I had invented… Shocks!
It saves valuable seconds every time I leave the house, and while I’m afraid to say that saving you time isn’t as useful as saving me time… it still might be useful. Now I know what you might be thinking, “Doctor Splatterjacket doesn’t this mean that I have to take the whole Shock off when I get back inside making my feet immediately freezing?” Yes, of course, that’s a feature, this encourages you to put on slippers when you get home. A highly underrated footwear category.
Now I will admit that Shocks are slightly lacking in proper arch support and that on a rainy day you might find your toes are a little more wet than you are used to in traditional shoes, but these are minor points, versus the amount of time saved. If you add up all the times you put on shoes and the seconds saved that might add up to potentially 3 minutes over the course of a lifetime.
3 minutes! Just imagine what you could do with those 3 minutes, you could invent a vacuum suitable for use by a mouse, write an extremely short Opera or make a sandwich. So, get your Shocks today!
Note to self: Investigate adding an electrical heater to dry out the feet, if connected right then the Shocks could really live up to the name.
