As I am sure you remember I use my ScootPlanter whenever I quickly want to travel around in the mine, but the other day I was up on the surface of the Earth and I realised that I want to be able to move quickly up there too. Using the ScootPlanter would be exactly what a boring normal would do and I don’t want that so I immediately cancelled all my plans and invented FeedRollers.
What are FeedRollers? They’re roller skates that dispense birdseed as you move. You glide gracefully through the world, leaving a trail of irresistible seed and being followed by a majestic swarm of birds like some sort of avian emperor on wheels. What could be better than that?
I’ll tell you what could be worse than that? My initial idea… Birdboxrollers. You see, I thought birds might enjoy living in tiny homes built into the heels of fast-moving skates. They did not. Turns out, birds are not fans of hurtling through the air while someone performs complex balletic manoeuvres at high speed. Who knew? The birds. The birds knew.
In comparison FeedRollers dispense the birdseed as you travel along ensuring the birds remain outside your footwear. Important veterinary experts, and a duck, assure me is this is the preferred way around.
Now I will admit that you should, like me, be a highly experienced regular roller-skater before attempting to use the FeedRollers, as if you turn unexpectedly there is liable to be the odd pigeon or robin immediately in your path, also for reasons I’d rather not dwell on the pavement can get a little more slippery than normal. Importantly there may also be legal restrictions on skating through areas with large flocks of migratory birds but these are tiny details.
If you want to look incredibly cool, travel incredibly fast, be incredibly surrounded by loads of birds eating birdseed then get FeedRollers today. You won’t regret it.
Note to self: To give the birds more comfort consider the BirdBoxCanoe.
