Digging to the centre of the Earth is no small task. It takes guts. It takes vision. It takes a nuclear-powered, turbo-charged, anodised steel ride-on drill. I’m sure you have something similar in your garden shed. But even with all that glorious machinery, sometimes… you just need a shovel.
You might think our shovels are as boring as yours, a bit of wood stuck to some metal which allows you to dig, BORING. Yes, my shovel is also a bit of wood stuck to some metal, but it is also so much more… It is a Fix-It Shovel.
Do you ever find yourself digging a hole while simultaneously needing to fix a drainpipe? Of course you do, that’s why you need a Fix-It Shovel, while it is obviously a shovel it also comes with screwdrivers, wrenches and even a small electric drill.
I’m sure you are thinking “That’s all very well Dr Splatterjacket, but unlike you I am not a super genius who already knows how to fix a drainpipe”. To that I say, “don’t worry I already assumed you were ignorant of this and all other matters”.
Luckily the Fix-It Shovel solves this problem too as it also features an in-built screen which gives you step by step instructions on how to solve virtually any problem. I’ve obviously had to remove all the instructions on how to defeat me, how to mine to the centre of the earth and how to teach a badger the kazoo. You do not want to know why I needed that last one, and I promise you even though you can teach a badger a tune or two it is honestly not worth it.
Now I have to admit that carrying around all these extra tools and screen does make the Fix-It Shovel slightly heavier, and sometimes it is a pain if you’ve forgotten to charge your Fix-It Shovel overnight, and following instructions on a screen that is moving around while you shovel things out of the ground can be a bit disconcerting but.. Seriously are you going to go through life without a shovel that can also fix your unicycle? Get your Fix-It Shovel today.
Note to self: Consider teaching the badger some new tunes and sending him to Zargoid 5’s lair.
