As you know, I, Dr. Splatterjacket, am in a race to the centre of the Earth. And yet, people keep trying to distract me. White-water rafting through rapids? Fine. Tracking down Zargoid 5’s mysteriously missing secret mine? Necessary. But honestly… how am I supposed to reach the Earth's core when life keeps throwing all these inconvenient leisure activities at me?
Of course, even a genius like me must occasionally take a break. But relaxing doesn’t mean doing nothing… no, it means doing at least 17 things at once. That’s where Stitch & Story comes in.
Stitch & Story, is the world’s first sewing machine-integrated reading system, a seamless fusion of high-speed stitching and intellectual stimulation.
At its core, Stitch & Story is a sleek, modern, travel-friendly sewing machine, except for the minor detail that it's stabilized with concrete for optimal performance. But that’s not all! It also features a built-in magnetic book attachment, allowing you to read while you sew.
Stitch & Story comes with an exclusive book and magazine subscription service. Every two days, you receive 183 books and magazines, you pick 17 to read, then send the rest back. If, like me, you find reading 17 books or magazines in two days tricky, you can upgrade to the Extreme Genius Level™ and keep 34.
But Dr. Splatterjacket, you might ask, is it practical? Well, that depends on your definition of practical. Sure, the integrated thread cutter occasionally knocks me out of place in my book, and yes, storing 34 books inside a sewing machine makes it slightly heavier than expected.
But ask yourself this: How are you supposed to achieve true genius unless you have one?
Get Your Stitch & Story Today! Because sewing without reading is wasted potential. And reading without sewing? Don’t make me laugh.
Note to self: Consider creating a 51-book level for periods of extreme boredom.
