Big news! I, Dr. Splatterjacket, have done something revolutionary: I went on holiday. Yes, even a genius like me needs to take a break from drilling into the Earth’s core with the intensity of a human laser. Sometimes, you just want to sit in a deck chair, eat potato-based snacks, and sip fruit cordial.
That lasted five minutes. Sitting still felt like wearing swimming trunks made from chili-covered mosquitoes… unbearable. So, I marched to the hotel reception and demanded adventure. They suggested I tackle the local rapids in a boat. Challenge accepted!
Now, you might be wondering: “Dr. Splatterjacket, how do you survive such an adventure without your fruit cordial turning into undrinkable lava?” Well, I have a secret weapon: the ThermoFloat.
The ThermoFloat is the pinnacle of boating technology. It’s not just a boat; it’s an enormous thermos flask! The entire fuselage keeps your beverages at the perfect temperature, even while you’re careening through rapids at breakneck speed.
I know what you’re thinking: “But isn’t a boat full of liquid a terrible idea? What about sinking? Or steering?” And sure, these are technically valid concerns. But seriously, people… move with the times! Imagine how cool you’ll feel sipping an ice-cold drink while rafting through raging waters. The ThermoFloat delivers!
Now, full disclosure: there are a few minor issues. Capsizing is almost inevitable, 7 to 23 times, by my count, and future versions might benefit from holding more than one type of beverage (because if I have to drink pineapple cordial again, I may lose my mind). Still, the ThermoFloat is undeniably the greatest boat the world has ever seen.
So, what are you waiting for? Get yourself a ThermoFloat and take your adventure, and your beverages, to the next level.
Note to self: Swimming trunks made from chili-covered mosquitoes could be a great invention… for my enemies.
