I’m back from holiday and hard at work creating explosive chemicals for my journey to the center of the Earth. My latest masterpiece, PurpleSparkleBangBang, is a chemical marvel. Add three drops of water, and it can blow up rock like a dream. Add four drops, and it would have obliterated me and the entire crew.
Naturally, I took precautions. I drank coffee, did 14 sit-ups, and yodelled Supercalifragilistic backward for nerves of steel. But just as I was about to pour the third drop, disaster struck… I felt a sneeze coming on!
Thinking quickly, I distracted myself with a buttercup from a nearby ScootPlanter to check if I liked butter (I do). Crisis averted, sneeze stopped, and explosion avoided. Some might suggest I use a pipette for precision, but to those people I say: Citsiligarfilacrepus.
Unfortunately, the sneeze wasn’t caused by dust but by a cold I caught while testing ThermoFloat in the rapids. While most people would be sniffing and shivering in misery, I, Dr. Splatterjacket, turned this setback into inspiration. Behold: MelodicTissues!
MelodicTissues combines two essential tools for modern life: a fully functional flute for playing show tunes and an integrated tissue dispenser for all your nose-blowing needs.
Picture the philunharmonic orchestra, players sneezing off-key, ruining the music. Not with MelodicTissues! Blow your nose, hit the high notes, and keep the music going strong. It’s the perfect solution for anyone who wants to stay in harmony… even when they’re sick.
Of course, some skeptics might ask: “But Dr. Splatterjacket, why not just use a box of tissues?” To those people, I say, “Have you no music in your soul?” Every time we drill deeper into the Earth, I play triumphant tunes on my flute to keep the mining team’s spirits up (along with their paychecks, of course).
So, next time you catch a cold, ditch those boring tissue boxes and get yourself MelodicTissues: all tissue, now with music.
Note to self: Perhaps also buy some medicine?
