Ladies and gentlemen, prepare to be amazed, for I, Doctor Splatterjacket, have done it again! I’ve solved one of humanity’s most persistent annoyances with a single stroke of genius. But before I tell you about my groundbreaking invention, let me answer your burning question: What is this website?
You see, I’ve recently been embroiled in a small misunderstanding. It involved a space probe, three miles of plastic tubing, a vat of superglue, and… well, let’s just say the less said about the president of… maybe it would be better not to say. As a result, I have been saddled with a fine so astronomical that, while I will of course continue my plans to tunnel into the Earth’s core, I must pause to make some serious money.
That’s where you come in. I’ve decided to lend a modest fraction of my towering intellect to solving the kinds of petty problems that plague normal people like you. Problems so maddeningly mundane that you’ll throw your money at me for solutions. Enter ScrewShades.
Here’s the problem, you’re out and about, enjoying life, when disaster strikes. The arm of your sunglasses has gone rogue, flapping about like an untrained pigeon. You need a screwdriver, but who carries one around? Exactly.
What’s the solution? ScrewShades.
These aren’t just sunglasses… they’re a revolution. Each stylish arm doubles as a tool: one side contains a Phillips head, the other a flat head. With ScrewShades, you’re always ready to tighten, tinker, or triumph over tiny screws wherever they may appear. Whether it is a child’s bicycle, an elderly grandmother’s bed, or your own rebellious eyewear, ScrewShades have got you covered. And yes, you’ll look devastatingly cool while doing it.
Now, let’s address the mongoose in the room: weight. Yes, ScrewShades are slightly heavier than ordinary sunglasses. But I ask you, dear reader, is that not just another way to say “potential”? Think of the extra heft as a sign of your preparedness. It is a subtle flex that whispers, “I am both stylish and ready to save the day.”
So, don’t delay! ScrewShades: coming soon to a store near you.
Note to self: Remember to manufacture and distribute these. Also, hire someone to do all of that for me.
